Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

02 February 2010

"Groundhog (Easter) Day"?

OK, if you're a church nerd (like me) then this might be funny. If you are not, then just wait for a serious post tomorrow.

In case you didn't know, today is Groundhog Day. A day where the whole nation (maybe even the world) focuses its attention on a little town in Pennsylvania and a famous rodent ("Punxsatawney Phil"). Isn't it interesting how some many people trust a groundhog to tell them what the weather will be like? Isn't it interesting that no matter which outcome Phil has there will still be six weeks of winter?

With that in mind, I thought I would take a "Groundhog Day" look at some Christian holidays, specifically Easter and Pentecost.

Each spring (sometimes in March, sometimes in April) Christians celebrate the resurrection of Christ on Easter Day. What if when Mary and the disciples get to the tomb that morning, instead of Jesus being gone, he walks out to check and see if he can see his shadow? If he sees his shadow, then there will be seven weeks of Easter!

In late spring (seven weeks after Easter) Christians celebrate the birth of the Church on Pentecost. What if when the tongues of fire come in and land on your head, instead of speaking in various languages, you check the person next to you to see if there is a shadow? If you see a shadow, then there will be twenty-eight weeks of Pentecost!

I know, I know - it doesn't really matter whether Jesus sees his shadow or if we see a shadow from the fire on our neighbor - just like it doesn't matter if Phil sees his shadow or not!

Again, I have to ask...why do we look for silly things to tell us what's coming up next instead of looking to the author and perfecter of our faith? Why do we trust in things that make no difference when we could trust in the One who makes all the difference?

26 January 2010

Things You'll Never Hear the Preacher Say

Hmmm....I am pretty sure that I have never said any of these things!

"Oh, no, I couldn't eat another bite of that delicious pie!"

"I can't think of anything to preach!"

"I wish we had a church business meeting every week!"

"I'm afraid that our choir is at full capacity. Can't take anyone else."

"We'd like to start paying our Sunday School teachers next week."

"December is a boring month--I never have anything to do."

"I hate it when people volunteer!"

"I believe the Lord has called me to a smaller church."

"There will be no offering today--we've got plenty of money."

HT: Michael Duduit & Preaching.com

06 February 2008

Memorable Quotes from GATW

I promised you a list of some memorable quotes that I found in Going All the Way a week ago, please forgive me for my tardiness. Here they are:

To go all the way, you must be united in partnership under Christ. (32)

Most of the time the advice [re: sex] coming from the Christian community is muddled, watered down, and out of touch....Then when the church marries a couple, the message instantly changes....And the well-intentioned young couple does their best to unlearn all of the church's negative, uninformed impressions about sex in one night. Good luck. (54)

When you're married, I'm sure you want to be faithful to your Two. But to succeed in that faithfulness, you must first learn to be faithful to the One. (59)

If you want a marriage that goes the distance in every way - the marriage that God fully desires for you - being involved isn't enough. You need to be committed. (83)

If you want to raise an insecure child, put her first, neglect your marriage, fight with her other parent, and let her worry that you might divorce. The receipe for a secure child? Honor God at all times. Love your spouse - and let the child see your affection. Pray together. Communicate. Date. And your child will rest well knowing that Mom and Dad's marriage is strong. (118-9)

Wherever sin lives, intimacy dies. And where intimacy lives, sin dies. (139)


Grace&Peace

30 December 2007

12 Ways to Look for God in 2008

As promised, here are all 12 ways that I would have loved to had the time to address in worship this morning.

Grace&Peace

1. Read the Bible like a Novel
Bible has all the necessary pieces of great literature: plot, character development, drama, song, love, violence, a savior, redemption, etc. Read the Bible as ONE story this year – not as a bunch of stories put together into one volume. See the thread of God’s love woven throughout the whole narrative

2. Hit up Blockbuster
Pay attention to themes like forgiveness, redemption, atonement, the search for love, the call for justice, or the protection of the innocent. Biblical themes are present in movies even if the writers did not intend to put them there. So go ahead and look a the movies you watch through God’s lens and see if you see something new in an old favorite.

3. Tune in…
Turn your radio dials away from KLTY and you’ll be surprised at what you find. Surprised in a good way! There are plenty of artists in the mainstream arena who are using their music to express their longing for the Divine.

God can be found in all kinds of music we listen to. Listen for themes of God’s grace, for an artist’s searching questions of faith.

4. Say, “Cheers!”
Cheers was a show that brought together people from various backgrounds in a place that we call a “third space” – not a home and not a workplace, but a third place where life happens.

This year, take the time to get to know someone whose lifestyle, values or beliefs are different than yours. That is, be intentional about building a relationship with someone you’d likely never be drawn to naturally. Look for God in their story and be surprised by the potential crossing of your story lines.

5. Listen to Your Wife
How many times have you been in the middle of a conversation with your spouse and tuned out because they said something that you didn’t agree with? What if what they just said was exactly what you needed to hear, and you missed it because you were too proud to hear them out? This year, take the time to dial in for the whole conversation. What they have to say to you may be the very thing God has for you to learn in that moment about whatever is bothering you.

The next time you’re tempted to become defensive as you listen to your spouse, a friend, a peer, a child or your boss… stop. Ask: is God speaking to me through this person?

6. Meet Joe, the Mechanic
How many strangers do we encounter on a daily basis? How many of them have a story that they would love to tell, if we would take the time to listen and get to know them? Probably all of them. This year, be intentional about getting to know the people with whom you come in contact with on a regular basis – the barista at Starbucks, the auto mechanic whom you trust to take care of your vehicle, or the grocery store checker who rings up your groceries.

There are people we encounter every day who seem to be fine people, but are they really merely a means to get through our day? We have an agenda – they help us or they frustrate us. But what if we paused long enough to take genuine interest in them – even for a moment? Jesus says when we do, it’s the same as honoring him.

7. Make a Run for Borders
Read the Bible for sure – start there, but don’t end there. Look for God’s truth in everything you read. Read the stories of others’ search for God, read their encounters with God. Read their discoveries, their findings, their questions. Discover where your life can benefit from what they have learned. Find out where their learnings can impact your life and faith. Ask some of the same questions and see what answers you come up with.

8. Break out!
Take some time this year to see the possibilities of taking new routes in life – perhaps they will provide the catalyst for the change you have been longing for in your life. What if you stopped seeing the same scenery each day and started seeing the subtle signs of God’s work and presence in your life? Try a new road to work. Try shopping at a new store. Try a new drink at Starbucks. Try listening to a new radio station. Just do something new to break out of your routine. And see where God is along the way!

9. Find a Catch 22
This year, find a question in life that does not have an easy answer (or any answer at all) and really wrestle with it. Mull it over. Think it through. Take it to its different logical conclusions and see how each one affects your faith, theology, and/or life.

Live in the tension of not knowing an answer. Live in the tension of not being able to put all your questions into neat and tidy little boxes that fit on the shelves in your closet. Grapple with the messiness of life. Struggle with the inconsistencies of humanity. And learn to trust God more along the way, because he’s the only one with the answers. Allow the questions to lead you past the answer to God himself.

10. Forget the Umbrella
The next time you have to make a choice between playing it safe and walking in the danger zone…forget the umbrella. Take a risk. Chance it. Step out. Stand in a fountain, sing on the street, order something different next time you eat out. Start that new business. Volunteer for the first time.

You never know what might happen when you are willing to risk it all. You never know what God will bless in your life until you are willing to give up control over it and hand it to him. He has your life in the palm of his hand and he wants you to experience a life that is full, not flat.

Follow Jesus into the wild. He was the king of the rebels. He never did anything that people expected. He was always breaking the rules and seeing how little the people around him were willing to risk for God’s kingdom.

11. Carpe Diem
Every day we are on this earth is a blessing from God. Take the time this year to seize each of those blessings. There are things that God has uniquely gifted you to do on this earth and every moment wasted is an opportunity lost. Embrace every opportunity.

Look for God in every person, every circumstance, every scene. Look for God in the people you know well. Look for God in the stranger. Look for God when a new situation arises. Look for God when the familiarities of life overtake you. Look for God everywhere. Seize the day. Every day.

12. Radical Hospitality
Practice reaching out to every new face you see at church. If they are an unfamiliar face to you it doesn’t matter how long they have been here – one day or ten years – they deserve to enjoy worship and perhaps make a new friend or two.

Greet guests and members with the same friendliness and warmth. When the people who come through our doors know that everyone gets treated the same, no matter where they are on their faith journey, then they will tell their friends.

Park at Marcus. A guest will need the extra time that a close parking spot affords them.

Stop pointing. If someone asks you for directions to a particular location within the church, don’t just point and say “walk down that hall, go around the corner, look for the fish wall, and turn right.” That is not helpful! At all!! Take them where they need to go. Talk with the person along the way. Get to know them a little. They will thank you for the attention and they will get to where they are going much faster than if they were to go it alone.

Look for God in our “guest experience” and find ways to show that people matter to us and to God.

20 December 2007

Top Quotes of 2007

"Don't Tase Me, Bro!" was voted the most memorable quote of 2007. I don't even remember hearing this quote when it first happened, but since then it has come up in numerous conversations and radio broadcasts...pretty funny!

Here is the article from Yahoo! News about the whole list (including that incredibly lucid response from Miss Teen S. Carolina). Enjoy!

Grace&Peace

19 December 2007

Funny Imprints

If I ever wanted proof that kids are sponges, then Caitlyn's most recent "acquisition" seals the deal...

She has begun to lick her fingers before turning the pages in her books or before getting a new flash card or even before moving to a different page in her coloring books! It is hilarious...and the best part is that Deb and I don't even do that! She learned it from the teachers at her daycare! She is watching them close enough to see them turn pages in books or sort through the daily report sheets that they complete for each of the kids in her class.

I'll try to get a picture of it and post it here because it will make you smile (and possibly laugh out loud). It is so funny to watch her slather her finger with spit just to turn the page in a board book. She did it again this morning with her flash cards and Deb and I about fell over laughing.

Gotta love kids!

Grace&Peace

09 December 2007

Experimentation

An experiment took place in our house last night...and it didn't go very well. Now that Caitlyn is 2, we decided to go ahead and take the front panel of her crib off so that it can function as a pseudo-daybed (aka "big girl bed"). She spent the majority of her usual wind-down time hopping around her room, on and off the bed, and singing whatever song came to her. It was funny, but not very relaxing.

Once she fell asleep, I placed her in the bed and prayed that she would stay there the rest of the night. Thirty minutes later, she rolled out of bed and began an attempt to open her door - she was crying.

Debbie went into Caitlyn's room to calm her down and put her back to sleep. I started some work on the computer. When I finished what I was doing I went to check on them, but they were not in Caitlyn's room, they were in our room sound asleep. I took Caitlyn to her room and again lifted a prayer that she would stay in bed the rest of the night. At 4am I woke up to the sound of our bedroom door opening and Caitlyn strolling in - this time she was laughing and smiling, very proud of what she just accomplished.

Bottom line: This experiment failed. We'll see what tonight holds for us!

Grace&Peace

07 December 2007

Merry Truckin' Christmas

Last night when I was driving home from Bible study, I saw this truck that was all decked out for Christmas! He had colored lights outlining the bed of the truck with light-up candy canes sticking out of the bed. There was even a net of lights across the back window of the cab! It was hilarious...I only wish that I could have snapped a picture of it to post here. Oh well!

Merry Christmas!

Grace&Peace

28 November 2007

"Being Five"

I recently found this hilarious comic strip on the net and thought I would share this particularly funny one about Thanksgiving! Enjoy!

Grace&Peace